Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
