whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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