I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
