So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
