your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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