im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize