After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i love accidental penises.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
