I wanna bring you to show and tell
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
