I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
