I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
