I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
