i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
