did you get engaged???
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
