dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize