Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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