Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My vagina just clenched in fear
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
