I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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