Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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