I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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