I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
