my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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