How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
