there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How's work?
Spinning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize