perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize