ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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