hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
