booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Houston, we have a squirter
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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