did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
this is an emotional support booty call
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
