saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize