I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
