WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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