that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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