just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
