I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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