he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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