Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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