I must be too annoying 4 u.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
