This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
