i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
