I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
