On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
