3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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