the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
