I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
