I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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