Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
