You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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