When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize