Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
