someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
