What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
