the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
