Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
