every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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