I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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