Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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