haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
