have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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