So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
