My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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